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What Love Means to a Toddler

Jul 6th, 10 / 1 Comment
what-love-means-to-a-toddler

by Auntie Em

Someone just sent me an email about what love means to a toddler.
The message said that a group of children was asked, “What does love mean?” and the email gave their answers, which were wiser and deeper than I could have ever imagined. I was also amazed at their high level of self-esteem and confidence.

Take just a few minutes and read what the kids said.  See what you think:

Four-year-old Billy said: “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

‘”Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired,” said Albert, a 5-year old.

And Mary Ann, who is also five, said ‘”Love is when your puppy licks your face, even after you left him alone all day.”

But here is my favorite from a 4-year-old who had an elderly next door neighbor.  This man had recently lost his wife and when he noticed that the man was crying, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap and just sat there.

When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy answered: “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”

These remarks show how little children are not only wise and sympathetic but also show an obvious sense of good self-esteem.  And your preschooler’s self-esteem is very important because it lays the foundation for your child’s future.

Your goal is to ensure that your child develops pride and self-respect — in himself and in his cultural roots — as well as faith in his ability to handle life’s challenges.

Here are some ways to help boost your child’s self-esteem:

Pay attention. Carve out time to give your preschooler your undivided attention. That does wonders for your child’s self-worth because it sends the message that you think he’s important and valuable.  Make eye contact so it’s clear that you’re really listening to what he’s saying.

Teach limits. Establish a few reasonable rules for your preschooler. For instance, if you tell him to put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, don’t say it’s okay to pile them on the floor. Knowing that certain family rules are set in stone will help him feel more secure.
Support healthy risks. Encourage your child to explore something new, such as trying a different food, finding a best pal, or riding a bike.

Celebrate the positive. Everyone responds well to encouragement, so make an effort to acknowledge the good things your child does every day within his earshot.

Resist comparisons. Comments such as “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or “Why can’t you be nice like Peter?” will just remind your child of where he struggles in a way that fosters shame, envy, and competition.

And please don’t forget to laugh with your children and encourage them to laugh at themselves. If you or your child take yourselves too seriously, you won’t enjoy your day-to day experiences with each other. A good sense of humor and the ability to make light of things that happen in your life are important ingredients to be happy!

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Parenting

Pets for Kids

Jun 22nd, 10 / 2 Comments
pets-for-kids

by Auntie Em

As a youngster I grew up around only three pets. 

The first was the baby chicken I won at a neighborhood fair and bonded with like a loving big sister.  But after a month with this pet, I suffered childhood trauma when I came home from kindergarten one afternoon and learned that some stray cat had eaten my little bitty yellow playmate.

Next was my grandparents’ dog Wimpy.  All I remember was that he was a light fluffy brown thing, stayed in the house most of the time, didn’t move very fast and was really old.

Woody, on the other hand, was my little English Beagle.  We kept him in the back yard, but our neighbors kept complaining about his loud crying at night.   You see, the Beagle does not have a normal sounding bark, but rather a howling that sounds like an old country western singer sobbing over his lost love.

Either way, the folks on our block were having none of it, so I had to give Woody away and that ended my experience with animals.

But I understand how a pet teaches a child responsibility and lots of little kids (and you parents) want to have them around.  However, some parents may not want to bring a dog or cat home for their 3 year old.

So, what is another pet you can get your child that won’t put a big load of pressure on you?  I decided to ask people about different small creatures for young children and I was encouraged to check out guinea pigs and hamsters along with fancy rats.

Yes, I said rats.

According to my friend Estella, regardless of what you may be thinking, they make great pets.  She claims they are docile, social, and just plain sweet.  “Rats are intelligent,” she said trying to convince me.    “We had one that actually knew his name and would come when you called him! “

Estella went so far as to tell me that she had taught her rats to do tricks.  “I used a Cheerio tied to a string to teach them to roll over. You gotta love ‘em!”  she smiled as I LOL’d in her face.

When I finally sobered up I tried to be very polite and instead of telling her I thought she was absolutely wacko, I just explained that Mickey Mouse would be the only member of the rat family I would ever consider as a pet.

But you or your child at some point may be interested in rats, mice, rabbits, guinea pigs, gerbils, hamsters, birds, snakes or fish which all require small animal care. So whatever pet you are thinking about getting for your child, I strongly recommend that you do plenty of research first. Maybe even buy a book.

It is not something to be taken lightly. Don’t buy a pet solely for a child, because you can’t just leave a young child in complete control.  You will have to remind your kid to clean the cage or feed the pet and it will ultimately be the responsibility of the whole family to care for it adequately.

Personally, I suggest getting a gold fish, but you may want to think about the fun you could have entertaining friends and family with your trained pet rat. Having a pet rat would certainly make for a great conversation starter!

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Parenting

Careers and Little Kids

May 26th, 10 / 1 Comment
careers-and-little-kids

by Auntie Em

While at Curves, I usually work up a heavy sweat after getting in the groove of my workout, mostly thanks to the music played since it makes me move from my soul.  The music usually takes me back to the days when we had parties and dances.  Needless to say, I am usually in my own little world.

But even with the music playing, it is hard not to listen in to the conversations I hear nearby.  Sometimes I just join in and other times I don’t say anything.  This was one of those times I decided to only listen.

The tall lady with the long dark hair was telling her friend about her 19-year old son who was traveling throughout Europe and Russia playing some kind of special drum.   Sounded interesting so my ears perked up.

“When my son was about 2, he just started playing a drum using whatever toys or boxes or trash cans he found in the house,” the tall lady confided.

“Wow,”  replied her friend.

“Double Wow!” I said to myself silently.

Now I am really paying attention to this story.

The tall lady goes on to tell us that her toddler son even had good rhythm while beating on his make-believe drums.   She nurtured his interest in music and when he got older he even studied drumming in India.  But she was quick to add that he had not been a superstar with academics and although he had graduated from high school, his grades weren’t that great.  Drumming was his passion and somehow – I was across the room by now and couldn’t make out much of the conversation – he had managed to find a couple who needed someone to provide drumming for their performances.   Her kid was not only seeing the world, but also staying with the couple’s wealthy patrons wherever they performed.

Sounded like a sweet deal to me and I started thinking about how sometimes people know exactly what they want to do before they are even 5 years old.  I don’t know about you, but I was 12 years old when I discovered that I wanted to be a journalist. I am not even sure that I knew back then if I really understood what that meant, but I loved to write and somehow came up with this profession.

Because I had figured out my career path at an early age, I assumed that this is what happens to everyone.  Was I ever shocked when my younger brother had graduated from college and still didn’t have a clue what he wanted to do! He got a degree in communications and had even worked as a part-time disk jockey, customer service rep for AT&T and a claims adjuster for an insurance company.

Then, just like the drumming hit the lady’s 2-year old, my brother suddenly decided in his mid-20’s that he wanted to go to graduate school for urban planning.  He loved it, got a job with L.A. County and after a few years he started his own successful development and property management company in partnership with some of his friends.

What a lesson for his older “Miss Know-it-all Sister” (that would be me).  This taught me that we are all different when it comes to picking a career or knowing what we want to do when we grow up.

As a young mother, watch to see if your child is showing a special interest in something that you want to encourage.  It may not become a career path, but it could remain a part of his or her life as a hobby.  Or if your kid is like my brother, just be patient.  Sooner or later, they will figure it out.  Sometimes it’s a spark of genius at an early age; sometimes you just stumble into your passion later on in life.

But, whatever you do, let your kids decide their own path and not one you have carved out for them, or you will be surely disappointed!

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Parenting

Being a Parent, Not a Buddy

May 20th, 10 / 1 Comment
being-a-parent-not-a-buddy

by Auntie Em

I was expecting a nice warm and fuzzy story when my young friend Antionette told me about visiting her 3-year old at preschool:

“Jordon took me by the hand and walked over to one of her little playmates, then introduced me as her girlfriend”

I smiled and was about to say  “how sweet”….when Antionette cut me off before I could take a breath and finish my sentence.

“I looked directly in her little face and said, I am your MOTHER not your friend and don’t you ever forget it, Missy Jordon.”

What a total surprise, and it hit me like a pitcher of ice water.

Hey, I am not a young mother.  I never even had a kid and at this point was ready to accept that nowadays parents seem to like being friends with their kids.  But Antionette was having none of that mother and daughter buddy routine.

This was kind of refreshing for me because I am more a product of back in the day when kids didn’t hang out much with adults, unless it was by special invitation to show off some talent so my parents could feel good about all the money they had spent sending me to piano lessons.   As a matter of fact, my mother and I didn’t become what I term “good friends” until long after high school.

Antionette firmly believes that parents who style themselves as “buddies” may find it hard to enforce rules and standards. She explained that any time a child sees you more as a peer than a parent, he or she is going to treat you as one. You need to find a middle ground. Parents can be approachable and still be figures that demand  respect.

Modeling good behavior is an obvious solution, but some parents can complicate this when they try too hard to be their kids’ best friends.  I think guilt plays a huge role because parents are often stressed and exhausted when they come home, and the last thing they want to do is reprimand their kids.

Some parents also have this fear that when they squelch certain behaviors they may be hurting their youngster’s self-esteem.  Although her daughter was not behaving badly, Antionette did not want the lines of respect to be blurred at such an early age.

But what about kids that talk back or make sarcastic remarks that are clearly disrespectful? How do you handle the lip?  Auntie Em offers these tips on dealing with a mouthy child:

Tips to Nip the Lip

• Don’t let it escalate The first sign of that whiny pitch – stall it. Once it becomes a habit, it’s learned. Call it clearly on the spot.

• Never engage with a rude kid. Refuse to talk. A rude child can be very verbal and manipulative and he or she can wear you down.

• Be clear about your expectations for your children. Parents will tell their children to stop being out of control. But what they don’t tell the child is how to be more in control. If your child forgets what a nice voice tone is, you could say. ‘Make your voice sound like mommy’s.‘

And if these tips don’t work?  Send them to boarding school.

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Parenting

Tips on Getting Kids to Eat Healthy

May 4th, 10 / 6 Comments

by Auntie Em

You can call me Auntie Em and, although I don’t have young children, I hope you enjoy some of the stories I will be telling about my neighbor’s toddlers.  But before we begin, why don’t I tell you a little bit about my background and how I got the nickname of Auntie Em.

I grew up in Kansas and always loved watching “The Wizard of OZ” even pretending sometimes that I was Dorothy. But one night when I was about 13 and home alone, a real tornado hit. That closed my Dorothy chapter forever. So nowadays I relate more to her older aunt, who didn’t get blown away.  Much safer.  Plus, when I moved to Los Angeles I traded in my old grubby Kansas ruby slippers for some new hip red dance shoes. So now that you know my story, I want to share some buzz about the little folks I know.

We all know that mothers want their youngsters to eat healthy and that means including vegetables and fruits in their meals.  But with some kids I found out that it is not as easy as it may sound.

Alicia lives next door and her 3-year-old daughter Camille just started preschool where she has been exposed to snacks of cookies, chips or other sugary treats. As a result, now when she is at home, Camille tells her mother that she doesn’t want her vegetables, she wants snacks.

As all things go, my neighbor happens to be a somewhat stubborn young mother who doesn’t necessarily like the idea of her daughter taking control.  Alicia wanted to limit snacks and refused to give her daughter any treats at home.   “If you don’t eat the food I give you for dinner then you will have to go to bed,” she said expecting to have won the battle.  I tried to keep from laughing when Alicia told me that her little girl looked up without fear and said proudly:  “Well mommy just put me to bed!” Alicia did not win that battle.

End result? Alicia now tricks Camille by sneaking finely chopped or pureed fruits and veggies into the healthy food or recipes she likes to eat. For example, she puts finely chop carrots and mixes them into spaghetti sauce. Or, she adds some finely chopped fruits to gelatin salads.  Another trick is to add some pureed sweet peas to then serve tiny vegetables, like baby carrots and baby corn with guacamole appetizer dips.

So what did I learn from this?  Little kids are really smart and parents have to be even smarter.  Here is how to do it:

  • Finely mince vegetables and add them to hamburger patties or turkey burgers.
  • Puree corn and stir that into corn muffin batter, or make apple cake or pumpkin cheesecake.
  • Make casseroles with just pasta, cheese, and sauce, but then gradually add more finely chopped vegetables to the sauce. You can add some minced veggies into tuna or chicken salad as well.

Auntie Em knows these tips and ideas aren’t permanent solutions, but keep trying. If you know any other tricks, share them with the world! I’m sure my friend Alicia, and other parents, will appreciate it.

If you have a story of your own, send it my way so I can share.  I love sharing!

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Health and Nutrition