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Use Your Words!

use-your-words

By Downtown Dad

“Agua.” “Banana.” “Dada.” “Gogigo.” And, one time…“ank u.”

My son once had words to express himself. Granted, three of them sounded alike and he never went much beyond those essentials, but those words were his, and we were proud. “Look at our preemie man go!” my wife and I thought. “Maybe they’ll ask him to skip a grade.”

At 19 months, it’s still too early to bet on his getting into Harvard. So we’re sticking to the basics, like practicing vowel sounds and repeating some basic words.

Unfortunately, Louie for some reason stopped using the few words he knew and that brought us so much joy. Now he grunts and points to his water cup, shrieks for a banana, and grins instead of saying “ank u.” And “gogigo?” It’s gogigone, and we never could figure out what it meant anyway.

We try to emphasize those lost words. “Do you want a baaaaaannnnnnnnaaaaaana?” I ask.

I even tried “gogigo” and he looked at me as if to say, “What the heck does that mean?”

Before panicking and sending Louie off to speech therapy, we did a little research and are relieved to report that this is pretty normal for a toddler. According to “What to Expect: The Toddler Years,” by Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi E. Murkoff, and Sandee B. Hathaway, all kids learn speech the same way: first words, then phrases, then sentences. And according to their personal timetable, they will often speed up, slow down or stop using words for awhile.

The reasons are varied. Toddlers who are early walkers or climbers can talk later, as they put more of their energy into the physical. Lack of verbal stimulation can inhibit language development, as can parents who anticipate their toddler’s every need, like handing them the water as soon as they have a thirsty look in their eye (yes, that’s us).

The good news is that late talkers may have better pronunciation and a bigger vocabulary simply because they are more mature when they start to speak.

As long as your toddler seems to understand your questions, can follow statements and can respond to simple commands, he’s doing fine. But you can always check in with your pediatrician if you have lingering worries.

And don’t forget that half of communication is listening.

The other day, I drove past a business in Culver City that caught my eye. It was called Yogiyo.

Now, I finally get it. All this time, Louie just wanted some frozen yogurt.

 

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Controversy in the Bedroom: To Sleep With Your Baby or Not?

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By Downtown Dad

My back hurts, I’m always tired and, some nights, I sleep in a crevice between my bed and the nightstand. All this so I can snuggle up to my son, who’s getting so big now that whenever he sleeps with us, both my wife and I are relegated to the far edges of our full-size mattress.

We’ve heard a lot of suggestions. “Why don’t you get a bigger bed?” people ask unbelievingly, as if our suffering stems from our lack of awareness of the California King.

Oh, we know of this “California King.” Unfortunately, our downtown loft bedroom is roughly the size of a cabin on a cruise ship below the water line. And there’s no Captain Stubing giving us an upgrade.

We also get a lot of “why is your kid sleeping with you?” The answer to that is a little more complicated.

When we brought Louie home from the neo-natal intensive care unit, he slept next to our bed in a co-sleeper. We didn’t actually lower the side and co-sleep with him because we’d purchased the wrong-sized sleeper and our bed was too low.

Eventually, we moved the boy into his very own cabin across the loft. And that’s where he sleeps most the time. Except when he wakes up at 3 a.m. and won’t go back to sleep no matter how many times you lay him down.

As I’ve mentioned, we are older parents who get winded easily. After sitting up with Louie for a bit, we poop out and bring him into our room, where we fully intend to put him back in his crib after he’s fallen asleep between us.

And that’s where you’ll find us five minutes later. Fast asleep.

There’s a lot of information floating around out there about co-sleeping. Should we? Shouldn’t we? The fear is a real one in the case of tiny infants whose parent may roll over on them unawares during the night. Suffocation is also a concern if a baby gets intertwined in bedding or squirms himself between the mattress and headboard or wall.

In October, the American Academy of Pediatrics released new recommendations to ensure safe sleep for babies 1-year-old and younger, including avoiding “bed-sharing,” in which an infant sleeps in the same bed as a parent or another child.

My wife and I both agreed with that recommendation.

But now that Louie is 18 months, we made the choice to let him sleep with us on occasion. And if we so much as breathe too much in his direction, he gives a nice sharp kick or a not-so-nice push to let us know we are intruding on his space. That’s how I end up in the aforementioned crevice.

My wife says we should enjoy as much snuggling and closeness as we can, because when Louie is a teenager, the last thing he’ll do is cuddle up to his love-starved parents.

So I sleep in the crevice with a smile on my face, my sweet son snoring gently beside me.

Recommendations for further reading:

New Rules to Fight Crib Death: Breastfeeding and Vaccinations (My Health News Daily)

Babies sleep problems persist into toddler years (Reuters)

New Program to Target Unsafe Sleeping and Shaken Baby Syndrome (First 5 LA’s Monday Morning Report)

Safe Sleep Tips for Your Baby

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Something Old, Something New

something-old-something-new

By Downtown Dad

We’re thinking of getting our 16-month-old son a cardboard box for Christmas. Maybe we’ll throw in some of those Styrofoam peanuts for kicks.

Because, we wonder, if our toddler gets the same amount of enjoyment from a pile of ripped-up wrapping paper as he does from a train set, why bother spending the money?

Sadly, my wife had a different vision of Christmas morning. It included a softly-glowing, organically-grown Christmas tree, steaming mugs of warm eggnog, big red bows tied around our cats’ necks and our little guy, laughing merrily as he watches his Lionel train speed ‘round and ‘round the track.

The reality is a wee bit different.

We’re driving up to my mother-in-law’s for Christmas, so we won’t be around to enjoy a tree, organic or otherwise. Eggnog makes you fat. The cats would rip our eyes out if we tried to tie anything around their necks. And the biggest hurdle? Louie doesn’t really seem to care. Given a choice between a toy and a pot lid, he goes for the lid every time.

And, like everyone, this year will be difficult when it comes to money for the little extras. But if we forgo gifts for our son, will he look back on the pictures from this Christmas and say to his gracefully-aging, yet still fabulous parents…“Where the heck are all my toys?”

So we’ve come up with a compromise. We’re going to get him things we would have to buy anyway — namely, clothes — plus one bigger gift that he can’t possibly ignore. After much deliberation, we settled on the Radio Flyer Little Red Roadster, a ride-on toy in an eye-catching, candy apple red that we hope will make his eyes light up come Christmas morning.

And we bought the Roadster used on eBay for a third of what it costs retail. It might have scratches or a dent, but I doubt the little guy will notice.

Additionally, we’re going to stuff a stocking with a bunch of things we pick up from thrift stores and garage sales. Those gifts are not only affordable, but Louie really seems to enjoy pulling things out of containers and putting them back in.

For example, one of his favorite activities is emptying the entire contents of our recycling bag … every day … onto the floor. Merry Christmas, indeed.

Suggestions for further reading:

Parents’ tips: Doing Christmas on a budget

Christmas on the Cheap: Budget-friendly ideas for a festive, frugal holiday

Santa finds kids giving shorter lists in recession

 

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Sharing in the Joy of Reading: Read Early, Read Aloud

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By Downtown Dad

In this high-tech world we live in, the concept of reading is changing fast. Instead of letters, we have email and text messages. Electronic devices that download stories and make them readable on a flat screen are fast replacing books. Newspapers and magazines are online, and there are limitless materials in the blogosphere, just like what you’re reading now.

Still, one of my favorite things to do is pick up a book, hold it in my hands, turn the pages and indulge in the world of reading. The joy of reading for me means escaping into a great piece of fiction or reading up on some non-fiction to learn something new. Reading can be a solitary experience, and this “quiet time” can be very relaxing. Reading can also be a group experience if done aloud.

Some of my favorite early childhood memories include times when our teacher would take out a Dr. Seuss book and we would all gather around, sitting cross-legged on the floor, eager to see the pictures and hear the words that we were just learning to decipher. The teacher would make different voices for the different characters, and we were in heaven listening to her. Green Eggs and Ham was my favorite.

Now that my son is 1, I’m eager to share my love of reading with him. Even though he’s still years away from being able to read, we’ve already stockpiled a respectable little library of children’s books for him.

One Saturday a few months ago, Louie and I were hanging out on the couch, relaxing. I reached over and grabbed one of his books to try reading to him. We looked at the cover and I pointed out the different animals and colors. Then I opened to the first page and started reading. He looked at me and then back at the book. He reached out and touched the page, and we were sharing our first reading experience together. It was a magic moment.

And then it all turned to chaos as he kept reaching for the page, grabbed it, tore some out and started eating it! I recoiled in horror, which then turned to laughter. I hope this means he’ll be a voracious reader some day with a big appetite for good literature (sorry, I couldn’t resist).

*  *  *

This month, we celebrate early reading and want to encourage parents and caregivers to Read Early, Read Aloud with babies, toddlers and preschoolers! You can learn more about Read Early, Read Aloud, including age-appropriate book suggestions, tips for reading with young kids, an online contest and, soon, local reading events, at the Read Early, Read Aloud page.

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CicLAvia and Other Ways to Enjoy the Great Outdoors in L.A.

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By Downtown Dad

When you live in Downtown Los Angeles, you get used to certain sights, sounds and smells that are sometimes stimulating and other times just annoying. In the Historic District, where I live with my wife and 1-year-old son, we have police and fire sirens, loud buses, crowds that fill the sidewalks (workers from the nearby Fashion and Jewelry districts by day, bar hoppers at night), and lots and lots of residents walking dogs.

My wife and I enjoy the urban action downtown, but we’re also both tree huggers who like to get into nature and breath some fresh air every chance we get. We also battle daily pangs of guilt knowing our son is growing up in such a confined space, surrounded by all that noise and pollution and fearing he’s not getting enough clean oxygen to breath.

The guilt put us on a mission to find every nearby park and open space to get our son out of the loft at least a couple times a week.

Growing up on the Westside, I took for granted that we had two parks within a block of our house, and the beach was only a mile away. But for those of you who live closer to downtown, you know how hard it can be to find some green space.

Here are some of the places we’ve found:

* Griffith Park: One of the biggest municipal parks in the country, Griffith is a mountainous park located at the junction of the Golden State (5) and Ventura (134) freeways. Inside the park is the Los Angeles Zoo, the Southwest Museum, three golf courses, a driving range, the Griffith Observatory, the Greek Amphitheatre, Travel Town train museum, pony rides, a carousel, an all-access playground and many miles of hiking and biking trails. We’ve hiked and picnicked in this park for years, and still come across new trails we haven’t traveled before. For more information, stop in at the ranger station near the carousel on Crystal Springs Drive. Some of the attractions have a small entrance fee or optional dontation.

* Descanso Gardens: My wife turned me on to this place in La Canada Flintridge near the intersection of the Glendale (2) and Foothill (210) freeways. This sprawling botanical garden goes on for acres and has many specialized gardens, including a massive rose garden, a native California garden, a camellia forest and a Japanese garden. The site is the former home of the late Manchester Boddy, who owned the now-defunct Los Angeles Daily News in downtown Los Angeles in the 1940s. Small children love looking at the colorful blossoms, and be sure to bring your camera for some great shots! Entrance is $8 for adults, $3 for children 5 to 12 and free for children under 5.

* The Cornfield: Technically called  the Los Angeles State Historic Park, this little 32-acre park (about half a mile long) is located along North Main Street near the Chinatown Gold Line stop, a few blocks north of Cesar Chavez Boulevard. It’s a popular place for joggers, with a dirt track that measures almost exactly a mile that goes around the edge of the park. One end of the park has a nice cluster of trees and grass good for picnicking, kite flying or bird watching. This state park is in transition. Plans to develop the landscaping have been put on hold because of recent state budget cuts.

* Elysian Park: This underused park overlooks Chinatown includes Dodger Stadium, the Los Angeles police and fire academies and miles of hiking trails. There are also several playgrounds in the park, and some great open grassy areas and an arboretum.

* The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising: I know, I know. Your reaction is probably: “Huh?” The school is on the corner of Ninth and Hope streets, and includes a block-long park with great landscaping, a playground and workout area open to the public seven days a week. This not-so-secret-anymore little spot has become a favorite gathering place for downtowners with small kids looking for someplace within walking distance that’s clean and safe for them to run around.

On Sunday Oct. 9,  many parts of the central city will shut down to automobile traffic for the CicLAvia, which allows bicyclists, roller skaters and pedestrians to take a leisurely ride or walk without all the traffic and exhaust fumes. We took the stroller out last year and had a great time walking and people watching along Spring and Seventh streets.

Check out 10 Kid-Friendly Things to Do at CicLAvia – it was originally posted before the last CicLAvia in April, but still useful for this weekend’s event!

 

 

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Eats and Treats

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By Downtown Dad

My son Louie turned 1 last month. We put together a great first birthday party for him and, when I say “we,” I mean mostly my wife. Diets and calorie counting were left at the door.

Louie, of course, will remember none of it. He still ate his healthy little dinner as usual, but the rest of us enjoyed the heck out of it — filling up on decadent dishes and lots of birthday cake. Between Pin the Tail on the Donkey and musical chairs, we stuffed our faces with a buffet of food from great old recipes.

I worked my way around the table, starting with a large hunk of the Mystery Cheese Log, which consisted of bleu cheese, cheddar cheese and cream cheese all rolled into a giant log layered with finely chopped nuts.

Next up were the shrimp with cocktail sauce, followed by chicken and egg salad finger sandwiches. There was also a Green Goddess dip, which was something like 99 percent sour cream and one percent herbs.

Finally, at the end of the table, in a jiggling circle of temptation, was a basketball-sized, orange Jell-O mold. I haven’t seen one of these since I was a kid.

Louie was too busy getting passed around like a rock star to notice all the great food being devoured.

About halfway through the festivities, Louie had his dinner, which consists of a mixture of fresh-steamed green and orange vegetables, brown rice and some sort of beans. This combination gives him a complete serving of protein, lots of vitamins and tons of fiber. We’ve been feeding him this combination for months, and he loves it (again, when I say “we,” this means my wife is the brains behind this). We’re hoping this will lead to Louie loving vegetables when he gets bigger, but I wouldn’t bet on it.

One book that’s been invaluable in our coming up with recipes and tips for baby’s diet is Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron. Check out the web site at http://www.superbabyfood.com/. There are also lots of great healthy eating tips here on Ready. Set. Grow! Visit our Moving Families Forward Keep Your Child Eating Healthy page to learn more.

Back at the party, the closest Louie got to the high-calorie action was when we sang ‘Happy Birthday” and brought out the cake. My wife had made two separate cakes. First was a big, three-layered yellow cake with chocolate frosting.

She also baked a miniature “smash cake” just for the boy. It was a white cake with almond cream cheese frosting. After we helped him blow out his candle, we slid the cake down the table within reach of his high chair. He looked around, first at his mom, then at me. With a big, rascally grin on his face, he nosedived right into it, with both hands clawing at the frosting.

Now that he’s had his first taste of sugar, what’s next? Fast food chicken nuggets? Energy drinks?

Not if we can help it.

 

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Traveling with Baby

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By Downtown Dad

The first time I ever got on an airplane, I was 10. My family was taking a month-long vacation to Colombia, where all of my father’s relatives live. It was 1980, and things were different back then. Smoking was allowed on flights, (everyone smoked in those days) and child safety issues were, generally, more of an afterthought.

More recently, when our son Louis turned 9 months old, we took him on his first flight to visit my wife’s relatives in New Orleans. At first, we were nervous about flying with him so small. But we did some research, followed some good advice and safety guidelines, and it worked out pretty well.

First was getting on the plane. We had flown when my wife was pregnant, and the airline gave us pre-boarding passes on request. But on our recent trip with Louis, we found that with a baby, some airlines do and some don’t. Southwest, which we were flying, allowed us to board between the A and B groups.

Next was trying to make Louis comfy on board. Some friends told us that the pressure of taking off and landing often causes babies to cry on flights because they can’t relieve the pressure like we can by intentionally yawning or swallowing. Maybe that’s why my baby sister cried so much on that flight to Colombia. It was eight hours of fun. Our fellow passengers weren’t happy about it, and my parents were frustrated by the experience. All the smoke in the cabin didn’t help, either.

Now I’ve flown many times, and I know how crying babies on board can drive people crazy. But as a parent, I can say that it’s even worse if you can’t figure out how to soothe your child. Things can get stressful and tense when people are telling you to keep your baby quiet.

We solved this problem by choosing a flight that was close to Louis’s regular feeding time, bringing a bottle of formula on board, and giving it to him just as we took off. It worked like a charm because not only was Louis totally calm during take off, but he fell asleep right afterward — and slept most of the four-hour flight. We gave him another small bottle just as we were landing, and it seemed to do the trick again.

The next big decision was whether to hold him on our lap (children under 2 years old fly for free this way) or strap him to an airplane seat in his car seat (airlines charge a reduced rate for children if you choose to do this). If we held him, we thought it might get a little crowded in our row. If not, he would by law have to be strapped into an approved child restraint system, normally a car seat with an approved design for air travel.

The deciding factor was that Louis is a full-time snuggler. So we decided to hold him, and he’s still small enough to make it easy. If he were closer to two, the seat option might have been better.

Finally, after all the preparations and the effort of getting baby and luggage to the airport on time, we waited with anticipation to find out if our fellow passengers would be pro baby or not. We lucked out, and the woman sitting next to us turned out to be a mom who works with kids for a living. Louis charmed her from the start with his flirty smile, and we breathed a sigh of relief.

It was a world away from that loud, smoky flight back in 1980.

To get more information on important things to know when traveling with children, check out these web sites:

www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/children/index.shtm

www.flyingwithkids.com

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Thirty Days and Nights in the NICU

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By Downtown Dad

During an emergency, a hospital can be both the friendliest — and scariest — place on Earth.

Our son, Louis, was born more than eight weeks early. On the third day after his birth, both he and my wife were fighting for their lives in different parts of the hospital: my wife in the maternity ward and Louis with other preemies in incubators in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) a few floors up.

I felt dizzy that afternoon as I walked through one of the long hallways that lead to the NICU, where the doctors had summoned me to sign a waiver for an urgent procedure on Louis. He was too small and underdeveloped to eat and digest normally, so they had to feed him with an intravenous needle. But his veins were so small and fragile that they burst each time doctors tried to insert one in his arm.

The solution was to insert a needle into a large artery on the top of his head. I was scared, despite the doctor’s assurances. Little Louis, still weighing less that three pounds, was a fighter. But a decision had to be made soon because he would quickly dehydrate without the feeding line. One of the parents had to sign off, and I was the only one available.

Downstairs, my wife was fighting her own battle. The aftermath of the severe preeclampsia that led to the early birth also put her life at risk.

Preeclampsia is a condition that raises the mother’s blood pressure to dangerously high levels in some sort of biological attempt to get rid of the placenta. If left untreated, the mother could have a fatal stroke. Normally, once the baby is born and the placenta removed, the mother’s blood pressure returns to normal and all is well.

Not so in my wife’s case.

After the birth, her blood pressure continued to rise. The doctors struggled to get it down with increasingly large doses of powerful drugs that brought her pressure dangerously low and put her at risk of going into a coma.

On that third day, I was keeping my wife company as she brushed her teeth. Suddenly, her words were slurring and she was wobbling. She called out my name and I reached out and grabbed hold of her just as she passed out and fell backward. I struggled to carry her to her bed before calling the doctor, who revived her with another powerful shot.

Neither of us got much sleep. My wife was too ill to go see Louis, so she worried about him constantly. My time was spent going back and forth between floors to check on mom and baby. I brought by wife photos of Louis, and I brought Louis freshly pumped breast milk.

Back at the NICU, I signed the waiver, kissed Louis’s forehead, and then broke down and cried as I watched the doctors put the needle in. I wandered out into the hallway in a daze. I thought of my wife downstairs and how desperate she was to see our son.

I felt totally helpless.

Then my cell phone rang. My brother-in-law helped me pull it together with some words of encouragement. I went back to the NICU and asked the nurse to call the hospital priest on duty. He came right up, blessed our son, and comforted me.

My instinct and my pride made me want to just hang tough and handle the situation on my own, as I’m sure many other dads out there try to do. I didn’t realize the good it did me to be able to talk about my stress with someone until weeks later, as I looked back on it all.

My wife was finally able to check out of the hospital a week later, and we spent the next month visiting our son and watching him double in weight. Other babies in the NICU weren’t as fortunate, and we watched as several had to have emergency surgeries.

When the day finally came to take Louis home, our joy in moving on was mixed with just a little sadness for leaving what had become our second home and the people who helped us through the toughest month of our lives.

* * *

I’m lucky because I had people who reached out to me. A dependable place to get support as a parent is the National Parent Helpline: http://www.nationalparenthelpline.org or 1-855-4AParent. Also, most hospitals have a case worker assigned to new parents, and they are a great source for referrals.

 

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